So yeah I did say that people wouldn’t have to wait for long
for the next in this little series of blogs I was doing, but I had work this
week and simply could not be arsed to do it when I got home. Still I doubt
people are reeeeeally that bothered are they? I mean the majority of people who
see this are those that search for the picture of the homophobic seal which I
put in one of my entries, which to be honest says a lot about the human race.[1]
Anywho lets just get on with it shall we. As you all know I
am writing about TV characters who in real life would be pretty awful people,
once again I realise that they are characters and that they are supposed to be
over the top but just shut up.
For numero 2 in this little series I have decided to pick
one of the most popular American sitcoms ever Friends!!!!
Ok so in the last entry I only really focused on two
characters because Peep Show really does focus primarily on two people, but
when it comes to Friends there are far more main characters, I say far more
there are 6 altogether, so 4 more, but fuck it that is a lot so again shut up.
So what I am essentially saying is that it won’t be the same as the last one, I
know I know but don’t panic it will be fine, let’s just all get on the blog bus
next stop bullshit.
Let’s start with the boys shall we
I will start off with the least intolerable character of
friends, Mr Chandler Bing. Now Chandler can be irritating, for instance it’s a
little annoying when someone replies sarcastically to everything you say[2]
and so it seems that Chandler can rarely take anything seriously, though most
of the time he is funny. However other times Chandler can come across as
extremely arrogant in terms of how he responds to his best friends. There are a
lot of times where Joey is the victim of Chandler’s quite vicious wit. There
was even an episode where a bet was made between the group whereupon Chandler
was not allowed to make fun of them and he simply could not bear to just be
nice to them for a change, eventually giving in and laying into all of them.
Despite all of this however I find Chandler to be the most identifiable
character for me and most of the time he really is trying to make people laugh,
perhaps trying a little too hard some of the time.
Then of course we have Ross Gellar, the smart Jewish one who
is a bit of a nerd, did I hear someone say stereotype? Anyway, Ross again isn’t
too bad but of course he has his flaws. Much like Chandler he is extremely arrogant
about his intelligence. I remember an early episode in which Phoebe points out
that she doesn’t believe in evolution, this drives Ross nuts and he spends the
rest of the episode hounding her attempting to show her she is wrong. Ross much
like his sister Monica has an irritating competitive streak and he can never
ever be wrong. Now I don’t know about you but that is an extremely irritating
character trait in people, being competitive is fine, but being so competitive that
you annoy the other person into submission is more annoying than having Piers
Morgan over for dinner, every night for a week whilst he has taken pills to
emphasise his monumental dickery. Then of course there is the whole ‘we were on
a break’ situation, I suppose I should take the guys side in that instance, but
I am sorry, sleeping with someone hours after you thought you broke up with
someone is not cool bro, especially if that woman is someone you have loved since
you were a kid.
And finally in terms of the primary male characters we have
Joey Tribbiani. Joey is regularly portrayed as something as a lovable oaf with
limited intelligence. There are essentially two Joey’s. You have early friends
Joey who is dumb but can function properly, and then you have later seasons Joey
who is borderline retarded.[3]Now
one of the worst things about Joey has to be his womanising; now obviously
there are guys who sleep with lots of women and hey its fine I guess. However
Joey literally sleeps with seemingly everyone and apparently he never ceases to
dump them after each one night stand. We have a word for people like that and it’s
a whore. I’m sorry but sleeping with hundreds of women to the point where you can’t
actually remember who you have been with is the sign of a pretty shitty human
being. He also scrounges of Chandler an incredible amount, Chandler pays for
acting lessons, headshots, rent as well as all the bills so there is that. Also
he has quite the sense of entitlement, seemingly thinking he is the best actor
in the world when really he is pretty bog standard, so yeah in real life Joey
would be just the sort of douche bag you see on Jersey Shore or a show to that
degree and I fucking hate those people like a lot.
Ok so on to the women, remember this isn’t in order, meaning
that I don’t think the women are worse than the men and I am not a sexist or
anything like that, so calm down ladies don’t get on your period about it and
maybe we can go shoe shopping or something as a treat.
Right well first off there is Rachel, the spoiled rich brat.
Yep straight into it here, Rachel at first takes a while to realise that she isn’t
rich anymore and that she can’t just have things handed to her. To be fair she
does eventually settle into life as a poor person probably thanks to living
with Monica. To be honest Rachel isn’t that bad, there are a couple of
occasions where she is kinda slutty, like when she meets Paulo who despite
speaking absolutely no English manages to have a fairly long relationship with
her. I mean a woman who sleeps with a guy just because he is Italian is pretty
bad especially considering Ross was head over heels in love with her at the
time, she didn’t know this, but in real life it would have been extremely
obvious. Nevertheless Rachel I am putting you as my favourite female character
of the show which will be a great conversation topic if I ever meet Jennifer
Aniston.
You remember when I talked about how competitiveness can be
irritating, you should do I said it about 500 words ago. Well that brings us
nicely on to Monica, if you thought Ross was overly competitive then boy howdy
is Monica a piece of work. Rarely is she wrong, and rarely does she lose,
however when this does happen her reaction is that of a grade A bitch, she
constantly demands to have another try and she refuses to accept that she isn’t
the best at everything. There is of course the episode where she finds out that
she isn’t very good at giving massages and ends up in tears unable to believe
that she can’t do something. The only way to placate her is for Chandler to say
that she gives the best bad massages. Now this is a tactic that is normally
saved for crying children, when they are upset you tell them a lie to make them
feel better like the dog didn’t die, he just went to live on a farm, or no of
course mummy and daddies divorce wasn’t your fault, it’s not like your birth
ruined our lives, and so on. Then of course there is the episode where Phoebe
tells her she is high maintenance and Monica’s reaction is to demand an
explanation and harass her, eventually tricking Chandler into giving a speech
about how easy going she is, essentially proving that she is so high maintenance
that it would take several well trained engineers just to get her to shut the
fuck up. So yeah that’s Monica.
Dum dum dum, its time for the last character and of course
that is Phoebe Buffay, who even in the show is kind of a bitch. That’s right,
whilst each character is accentuated for comic effect in the show, Phoebe is
just flat out a bad person. She is pretty stupid, but having been left homeless
at a young age she can’t be blamed for that. However her arrogance and contempt
shown for her friends is one of the worst things, most of this is reserved for
Chandler though. There is one episode where she apparently finds Monica’s soul
mate and attempts to set her up with him, now that would be a pretty nice thing
to do for a friend but only if your friend wasn’t engaged to another of your
very close friends. Seriously she deems it just fine to try and break up a
happy relationship for absolutely no reason I mean what the hell you dumb
hippy. Then there was the time where Chandler had to move to Tulsa and whilst
saying his goodbyes she pushes him out of the door, she consistently insults
Chandler[4]
and undermines Rachel and Monica. Oh yeah she thinks she is a musical genius as
well, completely oblivious to the fact that she is tone deaf and can’t actually
play the guitar.
Well well, that was fun wasn’t it? We had some laughs[5]
and we learned a few things.[6]
I will now do my standard defence of the subject matter, yes I am aware these aren’t
real people and yes I am aware that they are exaggerated for comic effect,
Friends is one of my favourite shows and I still watch it now. Nevertheless if
these people were real they would mostly suck, especially Phoebe, and if Joey
was real I might go mad at his stupidity and just end up repeatedly slapping
him upside the head and calling him a stupid boy. Anyways, I am sure you are
all pissing yourself with anticipation to find out which show will be my number
1, well you won’t have long to find out[7]
and I promise it will be more shocking than that time Prince Harry skull fucked
the corpse of a dead Taliban soldier whilst dressed up as Darth Vader.[8]
Goodbye and may the odds be ever in your favour[9]
[1]
Myself Included
[2]
Believe me, I do this all the time...
[3] Watch
the episode where he tries to learn French if you don’t believe me, but don’t say
I didn’t warn you when you want to punch yourself just so you can punch
something
[4] Though
he does return the favour periodically
[5] Nope
that’s not true at all
[6]
Also not true
[7] That’s
a hattrick of lies for you
[8] I
am assuming this will happen in the interim of me proof reading this and
posting it, the dirty boy!
[9] I
watched The Hunger Games again today.
