Should Facebook be taken off the air ?

It’s 12.31, I’m in my pants, this seems like the perfect opportunity to tell you why I hate all of you.

Now I’m somewhat of a cynical person, and therefore I do hate a lot of things, but one thing that has become an increasing daily annoyance has to be Facebook.  Not Facebook in particular, that’s fine, but the people on it, my ‘friends’ continue to make me sigh every time I scroll down the news feed, why I here you ask, well....

Firstly I’m aware that Facebook is a social networking site and as such it is for sharing things with your friends. However it seems that it has quickly become an outlet for people’s thoughts which other people would normally not care about. Examples being, I just ate a cake, or I’m looking forward to tonight. There is nothing wrong with these actions and feelings, but just think before you type them, will people want to know this? Is there anything significant for what I am about to post? Because the answer 9/10 will be no, there is no merit to your incredibly dense public statements. So for the love of God and Satan, because I’m sure he is pissed off by it too, please stop with the constant updates of what you are doing, or what you are going to do, because I bet my fucking balls you would be the first to complain if somebody was to stalk you, considering how easy you make it for internet weirdo’s to look at you, quite frankly you deserve it.

Secondly, relationships, I’m aware people have them, as a single man, believe me I am painfully aware that others are in relationships. Now, I’ll start off by saying I have no problem with a guy writing on his girlfriends wall, saying that he loves her, and vice versa, that’s fine. What really makes my blood shoot from my eyes, is statuses like, ‘I have the best boyfriend in the world’, or ‘I’m so lucky to have met my boyfriend, I remember it was a summers day when we did meet, he was wearing a white t-shirt, which had a stain on the colour, I remember the bird songs that day, one was slightly out of tune, his song should have been A sharpe, instead it was A Flat, and I couldn’t understand, but when I saw him that didn’t seem to matter, but now it’s been 3 weeks together and I’m the happiest girl in the universe.’ FUCK OFF with stuff like this, it’s fine that you are happy with your partner, but it is not necessary to rub it in people’s faces its really really not, don’t do it, or I swear I will go to the police, and I don’t care if its not an actual crime, I will make them throw you in prison.

Thirdly, for all you manic depressives out there, there are plenty of proper outlets for stressful situations. Facebook is NOT! Fucking one of them. Please please, stop with statuses like, ‘I’ve had such a stressful day’, ‘I’m so sad, that I’m considering removing the keys from the keyboard and slashing my own wrists. I do have sympathy for people who have problems, I have them myself, but that sympathy simply washes it away when you put it on a social networking site, in a vain attempt to make yourself feel better by getting some sort of attention from anyone. Think about it, a lot of people you are friends with wont be close friends, do you really want them knowing that sort of thing? I certainly wouldn’t do, talk to someone privately about it seriously.

Fourth and finally, it’s the use of text speak or whatever the fuck it’s called. I’m talking LOL (which ive just noticed is in the dictionary for Microsoft Word, Bill Gates you cunt!). I’m also talking LFMAO and that sort of thing. I genuinely saw a status that was something along the lines of, ‘I’m so sad and depressed, nobody cares about me, lol.’ Umm... ok, firstly back to my third point, don’t post shit like this, but if you do, for the love of all that is fucking holy, do not put that, that makes you laugh out loud. Shit if that’s the case then you might want to see a doctor because you probably are bi polar. I truly hate the use of anything like that, because often when something like that is used its pretty frigging obvious that you didn’t laugh, you might not have even smiled and you have just used it as a vague attempt to seem interesting. Beware use it with me and I will quite happily not talk to you anymore, that goes for LMFAO, ROFL and LSMMKCOOME (laughing so much my kidneys come out of my ears).  Seriously it makes the internet so much harder, anyway I am now of to post this blog on Facebook, LOL !

I'm fine, don't call the therapist just yet

These are quickly turning from blogs into rants about shit I don’t like

Friendships! Such a peculiar thing, but something that seems to be a universal element of most people’s lives, even loners have their imaginary friends or star wars figurines, still preserved perfectly in their boxes that they can talk to.

School has always seemed a good place to purchase them, unfortunately for me, mine came from a sale, and sadly that sale was the arsehole clearance sale, and as we all know you cannot return sale items. I ended up drifting through school with a group of companions, none of whom I consider true friends, they may not have all been bad people, some of them were, but others did not inspire much friendship from me, partly my fault, but also partly theirs.

So then, having finished school I was left with somewhat of a predicament, I had a job working with my Father and Brother, meaning I wasn’t going to meet anybody new at work. And so I essentially lacked a social life for a good two years, my weekends were not spent out at the pub or clubbing with my ‘mates’ they were spent at home, there was the occasional bright spot, I managed to develop a pretty good friendship with this guy Tom, whom I had always kind of rejected at school, much to my regret later on. But the problem was, that he wasn’t attending university in Brighton and only made fleeting visits back to Barnet, and even then being that he is such a nice guy, he had other friends to visit and so I was still largely alone.

But then what happened? I only went and decided to go to university, having discovered that working and having absolutely nothing to use your wages for was not exactly a fulfilling lifestyle. Suddenly I had new friends and proper ones as well, they were real people and everything, some of them even had things in common with me, you would think I’d be over the moon, and well you are half right, initially I was thrilled, I had all these new relationships forming and I was no longer alone. But of course here comes the inevitable problem. I couldn’t cope with the whole situation; I have gotten so use to not having to worry about friends over the years that I was suddenly overwhelmed by having so many new people in my life. To top that off, I have actually managed to develop the closest relationship I have ever had with anyone, and I include my family in that, yes I actually finally have a best friend after 22 years of waiting, and you’ll never guess, she is a she, It’s true; she has breasts and everything, nice ones as well that’s right, I now have a best friend, whom I can confide in and tell literally everything to, who also happens to be the absolute embodiment of beauty in human form, both in terms of looks and her wonderful personality. So again you would think I’d be content with that.

EHHHHHHHHH, no of course not, because I can’t help but worry will these friendships last, and will I end up back in the situation I found myself in a few years back where I had nothing to look forward to except the next episode of Lost, which turned out to be a huge fucking disappointment. Of course the rational side of my brain is trying to tell me that these worries are foolish, whereas the irrational side is telling me that I need to kill all the hippies, and also that I will lose all my friends. And that Andrew normally wins the stupid prick! But alas, I suppose I am only human and as a human who is also British it is perfectly normal for me to be miserable about some things. Never mind eh, at least GTA V comes out this year, then I won’t need any friends, I can just take out my teenage angst (I’m 22, but still a teenager ) on virtual pedestrians, because fuck them what makes them so special !

He is the hero that they needed, but not what they deserved... wait is that it? bah anyway it's Batman

This just got serious, by which I mean, I haven’t ranted, or done a review, I have written something with a bit more substance and thought behind it, turns out I can do it when I put my massive sexy mind to it.

I’m a bit obsessed with the Batman movies at the moment, reason being that the third and final instalment of Christopher Nolan’s reboot of the series comes out later this year, and so it’s very difficult to avoid hearing about it. Despite looking forward to the film, a friend of mine made a good point with regards to the third film, actually she made a couple of points,  but you know what women are like blah blah blah (I’m going to have to pay for that if she reads this). But the main points were firstly that there is no way that Dark Knight Rises can live up to the hype that surrounds its release, which is a good point, this has to be one of the most eagerly anticipated movies ever and it’s inevitable that it will not meet the expectations of many fussy moviegoers. The second point was that hopefully Christopher Nolan won’t make the same mistake he made with the Dark Knight... uh oh, hear me out I’m going to be nice, but I have a point to make so just shhhhh for a minute.

Now of the two Batman movies already made, the first – Batman Begins is by far the better film in my opinion, why? Because it’s much more of a movie to me. One thing that Batman Begins has that many superhero movies lack is character development, Nolan manages to delve into the psyche of Bruce Wayne and give the audience a much better chance to engage with his character, so that when he finally does become Batman, which doesn’t really happen until quite a way into the film, the audience truly understands his burden and the reasons behind him becoming the caped crusader known as ‘The Batman. Unfortunately this is something that Dark Knight lacks, not entirely, there is character development, but compared to the first movie it feels like there is nothing at all. The casing point being Harvey Dent/Two Face, in the first half of the film, Dent’s character is quite well developed, despite him stealing Batman’s girlfriend I was sympathetic towards him and I thought his character was a good personification of the opposite kind of hero to Batman, in that he tackles crime in a less subversive and more legal manner. The problem is, when he become Two Face later on in the film, so much is made of Dent’s character it doesn’t really leave much time to develop his villain persona and as such the Two Face storyline is really lacking in depth, something that I feel wouldn’t have happened in Batman Begins as it seemed that Nolan was more focused on creating a character driven drama, rather than a straight up action film, which is what he went for in the Dark Knight.

Now, I’m not saying that the Dark Knight is a bad film, because it’s not, it looks great, it’s fun and obviously Heath Ledger as the Joker is pretty darn good, so good that the second movie is essentially the Joker movie. However the problem is that the film really begins to break down in the second act, or what I consider the second act, basically after Harvey Dent become Two Face, as well as that, I feel  there are one too many car chases and fight scenes where Batman gets to show off his Kung Fu skills. I do understand that there would be more of this in the second film, as Batman was fully established as a crime fighter and as such he is going to be fighting more crime, that doesn’t mean that character development should be left behind though I think.  I truly hope that Nolan goes back to what he did in the first film for The Dark Knight Rises, because I think the opportunity is there, with the storyline where it is, he has the perfect opportunity to make a film that delves into its characters in more depth. The good news is I believe that’s what Nolan is going to aim for, after all, at the end of the second film Batman is on the run having taken responsibility for Two Face’s actions and looking at the trailer it looks as if Batman and or Bruce Wayne will have to keep a low profile, leaving plenty of room for extended scenes of him coming to terms with his alter ego and deciding what is best for Gotham. There are also various opportunities to explore the characters of Alfred and Commissioner Gordon a lot more, as this is the last film in the series and I think Nolan is going to want to tie up so loose ends, hopefully he won’t do that by mercilessly killing one of them, but sadly I do think someone will die, but hey, maybe that’s what the film requires, and I won’t hate him if he does it. But I will be disappointed is The Dark Knight Rises is just a huge action film with less plot and substance than I think this series deserves, luckily though Nolan is a smart man and a good director and I have faith that he knows what he is doing, I’m going to see the film possibly more than once at the cinema anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter what I think. In fact I know it doesn’t matter what I think, but hey ho, as long as I have fingers I shall continue to rant nonsensically about subjects that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Maybe Nolan will even one day read this and hire me for his next movie, one can always dream, although I’d rather not when Nolan is involved seeing as he has a history of invading people’s dreams, damn it now I’m not safe even in my dreams, the old lady was right, I need to go!

Not, related to fillms, books, or video games, will I keep any of my promises ?

Second one in one night, are you sure? Well ok but this one better not be some sort of attempt to talk about your personal life

Oh for goodness sake...

So here is the thing right, I’m approaching the end of my third year, the problem is, I reckon I need another 5 or 6 years to actually decide what to do, and by decide I mean wait for an opportunity to present itself that is A – a good opportunity and B – not shit. I know a lot of people say they don’t know what to do at my age, but that doesn’t exactly help seeing as I kind of need to know. I want to travel but I need a job, and realistically I won’t be getting hired as a senior executive any time soon, seeing as the only reference I have on my C.V. is my own Father who is biologically programmed to give me at least a satisfactory reference. Therefore I may end up working in retail once more, which from my experience is the equivalent of having rats forced into my orifices via tubes that are lubed up with cyanide gel whilst also being on fire as I watch an episode of Take Me Out, which just happens to be a compilation episode of Paddy Mcguinesse’s many rhyming jokes. Which isn’t as fun as it sounds. I worked for a couple of months selling shoes, which was so mind numbingly dull that I seriously considered going all ninja and robbing that place one night just so I could have an interesting day the next time I went back there, but alas my throwing stars were in the wash.

AAAAANNYYYWAY, I seem to have gotten a little bit sidetracked, my point is I need some direction in life, maybe some kind of career path that is a realistic possibility, I don’t think I am asking for too much, but if I can get too much then, well, that would be super duper. I think I deserve something at least having missed out on so many things in life, which I know are important, because I saw them on the tele. Maybe I could do something with blogging, a professional blogger, who uses his blog to feed the hungry and protect the troops, and somehow earn a comfortable living that will buy me a sofa, T.V, computer, and at least one completely outrageous impulse purchase that when people come around to my home (another thing that I will buy with my millions of dollars made writing blogs) I can point at, and say,

‘Look at my cool thingamajig in the corner there, the thing that my T.V is sitting on, next to the computer, no, not the fridge (oh yeah ill need a fridge for milk and haribo) the thingamajig, the green thing, the green thing with the lazers... that, yes that!’

See, without a job how will I be able to actually live out that perfectly plausible scenario, somebody help me for god sake!

Oscars, more like... Wrongers !

 I haven’t written anything in a while, blame the Zubat’s, they kept me in the cave for bloody ages.

So it was the Oscars last night, and since I am a student and the only real function my T.V has is to house the small a.i footballers of FIFA 12 and occasionally show me Batman movies; that and the fact that I don’t have Sky movies and thus couldn’t watch them anyway, caused me to miss the show... but I am rambling. In a turn of events that can only be described as fuck achingly inevitable,  Michael Hazasazsasavucuius’s ‘The Artist walked away with 5 awards, including the most important of Best Picture and Best Director. Now I haven’t seen the film myself, and I’m sure it’s very good, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see a silent film being given awards in today’s Transformers obsessed times. The biggest disappointment for me however is the lack of awards for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and in particular Gary Oldman not receiving his long overdue Oscar. The man simply is a colossus of an actor, he is mostly known for playing highly extrovert and let’s face it, bat shit crazy characters. So I think it’s only fair that he receive a little recognition for what has to be one of the best understated performances I’ve ever seen! Now, lots of actors can be understated, British actors have been doing it in cinema for decades, but when you consider that this is the same man who played Jean – Baptiste Emanuel Zorg in Fifth Element, a character so outrageously ridiculous, you would think that the writers had injected some sort of hallucinogenic drug directly into their brains, you have to give him some credit for being able to tone it down and play a character that manages to drive the story forward without saying very much. I recently heard Mark Kermode say that Tinker Tailor was action packed, and having thought about it, I think a lot of this is down to Oldman’s performance, his characters drive and ability to stay ahead of the action gave the film the sort of intensity that you wouldn’t expect.

My original point anyway is that Oldman should have won the Oscar, not taking away anything from Jean Dujardin, but I’d appreciate it if for once the academy avoided the obvious choice and just agreed with me for once, after all I am the supreme leader of movies and thus my wish should be obeyed.