I’m honestly not in a bad mood all the time I swear, it’s just there are so many intensely annoying people on this plant, and sadly a large proportion of them are in the world of show business, so it’s practically impossible to avoid hearing about it. Sure you can try and not read things, you can try and avoid certain T.V programmes, but chances are you can’t completely shut yourself off from it all. So anyway I thought I would do a series of blogs about little things celebrities do that piss me off, first off is pregnancy!
I got reminded of this, this morning when I saw a picture of Jessica Simpson posing nude whilst pregnant, and before you say it, I wasn’t looking for that sort of thing it appeared on a celebrity news story on a non – porn website ok. It was one of those ‘tastefully’ down photos where she had her hand cradling her belly whilst the other cupped her breasts, she didn’t need to be topless to be honest, but hey I’m not a photographer and there is no way I would have wanted to see a pregnant ladies vagina, I haven’t seen one since I was born myself and I don’t plan on seeing one again until I have to.
But anyway, what the fuck is with that crap. It’s not the first celebrity I have seen pose nude whilst holding their pregnant belly. Why are you doing that? I mean I get that being pregnant is a big thing in a woman’s life and I think these pictures are taken to make pregnant women feel good about the way they look, which I also understand. My problem is that celebrities have turned pregnancy and having baby into a career. It seems that getting pregnant is tantamount to say, getting an acting role.
Lets choose an example shall we, I’m going to go with Sonya from Eastenders. Now, she left Eastenders, for some unknown reason, she obviously doesn’t know the rule that once you leave Eastenders you will never get another decent acting job ever! But yeah she left and nobody heard from her for a long time, then, boom she was pregnant, suddenly she was giving interviews and talking about being a mother. My question is, why? Why do magazines and shitty TV programmes assume that anyone would care? The answer is because people in general are absolute FUCKING morons, because people would rather read Hello magazine than an actual book. Speaking of books, you know what comes after Sonya or any other of the numerous celebrity people creators? Books is the answer, they write fucking books about it, we need these books you see, because despite the fact that our species have been having babies for millions of years now, we still know nothing about babies. I use the word book fairly lightly here; I think a good nonfiction book has to have at least something interesting or important to say. But these books contain mothering tips; hey here is a tip, if you don’t know how to look after a child DONT HAVE A FUCKING CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If Myleene fucking class needs to tell you how to look after your children, then I feel sorry for your kids because they will likely inherit your mental retardation.
But what comes after that book, well there is another fucking book, about how you survived post natal depression. Now I am not for one second saying that post natal depression isn’t a serious issue, I am sure that it is horrible. The problem is, I just don’t believe half of these celebrities who claim to have had it. I mean, have you seen the amount of publicity and *cough* money they gain from it? Call me cynical, but fuck them seriously. The books never stop though it seems, next up is how to work and have a child, then how to plan your child’s first birthday party, how to plan the second, how to plan the third... how to plan the seventh which by now is slightly different because your child has developed a modicum of social awareness and will actually give a shit about who is there and what you are doing, you get the idea.
I sincerely thank females for going through labour and helping to preserve our species, it’s just that the species that they are preserving is so incredibly stupid and they maintain a culture that is completely obsessed with bullshit. I am assuming that all this pregnancy garbage is aimed at women, well ok, but seriously women of this world, there is a lot more to life than having babies and being obsessed with celebrities. You have fought for centuries now just to get some sort of equality with men, for God’s sake stop being so bloody stereotypical.
I don’t quite get how I got all of this by just casually seeing one picture in the corner of my screen (again I was not looking for naked pictures of Jessica Simpson ok) but I guess that’s just how my mind works, I see something insignificant and I get pissed off about it... Hold on, that’s not good... fuck!
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